I’m Celeste, 30 years old, splitting my time between Australia and the Philippines, and I just want a great guy around my age who’s looking for more than just a casual fling.
Picture this:
I’m on Bumble. My profile is spot-on. I’ve got a bunch of cute photos ready to get matches. I’ve got one where I’m all dressed up, a candid shot with a flattering angle, and two photos I wish I never added: one of me in a Japanese yukata and another in a very popular, touristy place in Tokyo.
Now – I’m not Japanese. I’m actually ethnically Filipino, but I do have features that might make someone assume I’m East Asian. Apparently, it makes zero difference to some dudes who, and I’m really quoting here, “only date[s] Asian women”. As someone who lives in a multicultural city like Sydney, I always thought that guys who are exposed to many different ethnicities would be able to see women as people–not as a particular race that’s often the victim of fetishism.
Way back in 2017 when I started using Bumble, I was inundated by guys who seem to only have eyes for Asian women. They looked okay, so I matched with them and sent a message. I usually open with something in their profile like asking the name of their pet, their favorite album from a band we both like, or their thoughts on the latest season of a show we’re both watching. Ya girl ain’t basic.
For dudes who don’t care about any of that and only see that I’m Asian, I won’t even get a response to my initial message.
Instead, I get a few of these gems:
“What kind of Asian are you?”
- I gave this one a pass because maybe he was just curious. Spoiler: he wasn’t.
“Are you Japanese?”
- Would it matter if I wasn’t?
“Are you even Japanese?”
- DID I EVER SAY I WAS?!
“I’ve got yellow fever”
- Just downright ew.
“Let’s make lots of blue-eyed Asian babies.”
- The kicker? This guy’s eyes weren’t even blue. They were brown!!!
That’s not even the worst one. In fact, there’s one message that made me wish I never downloaded Bumble just a few weeks into using the app:
“Bet you’ve never been with a white guy before”
I was about to send a reply, but he beat me to it with a photo. What kind of photo, you ask? One that made me glad I wasn’t in public when I opened it.
All this to say that being attracted to Asian women isn’t bad. We’re pretty hot and don’t we know it. But guys, there are ways you can make a genuine connection with us where you don’t come across as creepy. So here are a few tips you can use when you match with an Asian woman you can’t resist:
Read our profiles
ALL women love attention to detail. So find something in our profile (other than our photos) that stands out to you. Mention it in your message or ask about it to get the conversation rolling. Actually talk to us like real people–this is what I consider the be-all and end-all of online dating.
“Do you speak any other language?”
If you really MUST know “what type of Asian” a woman is, ask her if she speaks any other languages. Chances are her response will clue you in on her ethnicity. If she says she only speaks English or mentions that her other languages are from school, let it pass. I promise she’ll bring up her ethnicity at some point if you just stick around to get to know her better.
“What’s your all-time favorite comfort food?”
Keep in mind that this might not be the best opening message, but it’s something you can ask when you’ve already established some rapport. For a lot of us, our comfort food is something from our culture because that’s probably what we grew up eating. Her answer will give you some insight into her culture.
Do I like her as a person or just because she’s Asian?
Think to yourself: Do I like her as a person or just because she’s Asian?
This speaks to a stronger need to reframe your mindset around dating. Seriously, get to know more people out there. Know that there isn’t one trait that’s specific to a race of women. Educate yourself on the usual stereotypes. And then try again.
The bottom line: See us as people, not an idealized stereotype, and treat us accordingly. It’s not too much to ask, right?
