You’ve been staring at that blank dating profile for twenty minutes. Every bio you write sounds either desperate or boring. Every photo makes you cringe. Sound familiar? You’re not alone in feeling like crafting the ‘perfect’ dating profile is harder than actual dating.
As a 28 year-old living in London, I’m all-too-aware that my profile is one of many thousands and all my potential matches know this too. We’re all looking for a real connection in a mass of seemingly identical bios and photos. Sometimes I wonder, is it even possible to make your profile stand out among the rest?
The profiles that usually stand out to me seem thoughtful. It feels as though the person has put some effort in, given their responses some thought and cares what I might think of them. I’m also a sucker for great photography – blurry photos put me off.
Opinions differ on what makes a great dating profile. Some people believe it’s all about the photos, whereas others are convinced it’s what you say that matters most. Experts generally agree that it’s a mixture of both that stands to get you noticed and that striking the right balance is key.
I turned to a sex and relationships expert for advice on how to craft the perfect profile and how to make the most of your dating app experiences. Whichever app you’re using, whatever your interests or whomever you’re hoping to meet, these are the golden rules for creating a solid profile that will get you noticed.
- Choose the right photos
Our perception of how we look is different to how others perceive us. We might think it’s best to upload five smouldering selfies but actually, variety tends to work better on dating apps. Try a mix of photos that show you in different scenarios, solo and with friends.
“Showing yourself in a variety of contexts doing interesting things or with groups of other people signals to potential matches that you are interested and interesting. It also shows that you are social and not too self involved,” says sexologist and relationship expert Emilie Lavinia.
The quality of your photos also matters. Blurry pictures or photos where your face is obscured aren’t great. You might think you look cool in that snowboarding picture, but five photos of you snowboarding with goggles on means your matches won’t be able to see your face. Try to show your face clearly in at least two photos and make sure they were taken within the last two years.
Emotion also matters. Studies show that people respond best to images of people smiling, laughing and displaying genuine positive emotions. Looking moody, pouting or staring might make it harder for people to connect with your photos and give them the wrong impression about your personality.
“Pulling silly faces can be fun but it’s also worth remembering that if you’re pulling a goofy face in every photo your matches won’t be able to see what you really look like, so try to include a few neutral faces and genuine smiles in your photo line up. Remember that if you plan to meet and date the people you match with, they’ll have to see your real face at some point so better to show it sooner rather than later,” advises Lavinia.
- Fill out the whole profile
Most apps give you an opportunity to create an optimal profile. They’ve already done the research and figured out the perfect balance between images and text so take advantage of the template they’re offering you. Fill out every section and upload the full number of images.
“You don’t have to use every prompt but do fill out each section and include important details like your age and location,” says Lavinia. When you leave sections blank or write something like, ‘I’ll fill this in later’ it signals to your matches that you don’t make an effort, or that you have nothing interesting to say. Sparse profiles can also seem suspicious.”
- Talk about your interests
A dating profile provides the perfect opportunity to showcase all the things your dream match might have in common with you. Instead of being vague, be specific about the things you like. Make a list of things you love and talk about why you love them. Even if someone doesn’t share your exact interests, having hobbies and passions is attractive to others.
“Many people are afraid of seeming too passionate or earnest because it might be considered ‘cringe’. However, there’s nothing more attractive than a person who really cares about something,” says Lavinia. “Caring about your hobbies or interests shows a potential partner that you have the potential to care about them and their interests too. Plus, if someone shares your interests it makes it much easier to strike up a conversation and arrange a date.”
- Be honest and authentic
Our fear of judgement can often hold us back, especially when it comes to dating. However, one of the best things you can do when using a dating app is to just be yourself. This also helps to avoid surprises and disappointments from both sides when you meet up with a match in person. Rather than wasting time pretending to be the person you think your matches want to meet, be your authentic self. Just remember to always be polite and respectful of others when you’re chatting.
“Catfishing doesn’t just mean using someone else’s photos. Emotional catfishing is a much more common occurrence in the dating world,” explains Lavinia. “One of the worst ways to sabotage your chances with a potential partner is by not being your authentic self.”
“Keeping up a facade and feeling that someone doesn’t really like you for you is exhausting. It’s far more gratifying to be honest about who you really are, what your likes and dislikes are, what you’re looking for and what you believe in. Honesty early on creates a foundation for stronger relationships and better mental health outcomes on both sides,” she adds.
- Be clear about what you’re looking for
Being vague is one of the worst dating app crimes so being clear about what you’re looking for will help to make your profile a winner. This doesn’t mean you should create a laundry list of things you hate about men or women and what you don’t want in a partner. In fact, these kinds of lists are very offputting and send out a very negative impression.
Instead, clearly set out your stall. You’ll have already listed a few things about yourself and a few of your interests so use this opportunity to describe the kind of person you would like to meet. If you’re not sure, consider what kind of qualities you would like them to have. Are you looking for someone adventurous? Family focused? Someone active and sporty? Someone who’d like to be in a long-term relationship? Or someone looking for a casual fling?
“We often don’t consider the fact that we can be very specific about what we’re looking for on dating apps. We might not meet ‘a guy in finance, six five, blue eyes, with a trust fund’, but if we’re clear about our goals, it might just happen,” says Lavinia.
“Never list all the things you hated about your ex or all the things you’re not looking for. Instead, be positive and list the things you love and that you’d like to find. Try to include shared hobbies and the personality traits you enjoy, not just physical traits that might make potential matches feel objectified. Positivity is a mirror and people enjoy seeing themselves reflected in lists of the things you love,” she adds.
- Have fun
Being earnest, passionate and enthusiastic will get you places, but it’s important to remember that at the end of the day, dating apps are simply supposed to be fun. Being overly serious, critical, rude or aggressive is not appropriate when using an app. Dating apps are there to be enjoyed and to make meeting a potential match easy and entertaining, so bear in mind that someone else’s experience depends on your behaviour towards them.
“We can often ascribe too much value to dating apps and how we’re perceived while using them, it’s natural to do this. However, they are just tools and they don’t reflect our worth or how deserving we are of attention or love,” says Lavinia.
“Apps are supposed to help us, not make us feel bad about ourselves. If you’re not having fun with an app, it might not be the right one for you. This isn’t a reflection of you. Try switching up your profile and see what happens. Try a few different apps to see if one suits you more than another. If the experience of using an app is consistently negative for you, it might be time to delete it and stick to speaking to people in the real world. Dating is supposed to be fun, after all”
