Hi there! I am Tee, I’m 30, a fun-sized millennial who is always down to try new things from traveling to making friends and very recently, baking—thinking about awkward first dates? The most outrageous icebreakers or being ignored by someone you feel could be an awesome match? Been there, done that.
Now I’m here to give you my simple overview of dating as a Black woman in Calgary.
Perhaps if anyone has a piece of advice for you after trying multiple dating apps, it would be that you should never confine yourself to a “spec.” Bearing that in mind, I can categorically say that dating in Calgary as a millennial is quite an experience. When you add being black to the mix, you end up with stories for days and something quite special. If you’ve used Bumble or Hinge at any point, you know quite what I mean.
As a black girl living in a fast-paced city like Calgary, there is quite a fair share of fun people around, we have the contractor bros, the outdoorsy bros who swear by every available hiking trail in the city, the club hoppers who claim they hold the ultimate manual to a fun nightlife in downtown Calgary and then the bros who want to try something different (yes, me as if I am a specimen, we’ll get to this in a second), I may not have seen it all but I sure have gotten quite several matches.
For a long time and perhaps because I was coming out of a long-term relationship, I felt comfortable dating within my culture. I used to pride myself as one who wasn’t experimental with many things. Okay, I did class myself as open-minded but the said open-mindedness probably ended in giving poutine a go, you see, I wasn’t born in Calgary so introducing myself to the Canadian culture was one of the things I had to be deliberate about. I was one to gravitate towards black men and poc while scrolling past other ethnicities, I genuinely wasn’t being malicious, it was just instinctive. Familiarity they say after all always feels safe.
My opinion though one I quickly formed after my first few days on Hinge was that the black men seemed to joke around a lot, they came off as if they weren’t specifically looking for something while the white guys on the other hand were looking to expand the cultures on their dating resume, I would occasionally feel the sting of rejection from Asian guys I thought were cute (the utter silence from those I have messaged first and my swiping history bears a testament to this).
As far as Bumble is concerned, there is a fair share of nice guys. Genuine cuties who come off as if they want to get to know you but fail to respond after you have put your back and your best efforts into coming up with a witty conversation starter. Guys on Bumble truly have a way of humbling you. On Hinge, on the other hand, we have a collection of guys who think you exist for them to expand their dating history (G’s words not mine). I literally and figuratively clutched my non-existent pearls when he told me “My catalog has never included a black woman”. I wondered why he felt the need to volunteer such information in the first few messages in our chat.
As I said, gravitating towards people I shared commonalities with was instinctive and it took conscious efforts to start to understand that sticking to one specific formula for dating may not quite be in my best interests. As I sifted through options of people who looked like they were really serious about this dating life and tons of others who were just looking for a great time (not that I have anything against that), I began to realize that dating on any app as a Black woman is multifaceted. It involves you navigating the ever-so-subtle microaggressions, sometimes the sheer ignorance, and finally, the plain audacity of some men. That said, it also involved a process of looking deeper to see those who genuinely see you beyond common stereotypes and are looking to form a genuine connection.
Is using a dating app as a black girl who is just trying to find that one person in billions a tad challenging? The answer is a definite yes but is it also kind of fun? Heck yes! With the right mindset and absolute open-mindedness (a super important spice for online dating) then yes, navigating options may be a bit easier.
