July 2, 2025
I was intimate with Mike last night. It was the first time since November – we had reconnected this May but had only fooled around (cuddling, making out).
After I went home, he sent me a text late that night saying he really appreciates me and was glad we got to hang out. I found it cryptic rather than sweet as he doesn’t usually say stuff like that. It was his way of saying, “Thanks for the blowjob.”
I no longer have feelings for him, but rather, I’m troubled at how no one I’ve dated the past year has asked for exclusivity or to be their girlfriend. Like I’m okay to hang out with sometimes but they won’t close any doors for others, or mess up any other prospects for me. I get it – I’m a trainwreck. Severely alcoholic, borderline personality disorder, no university degree, among many other things.
It would just feel nice to be prioritized, come first to someone romantically.
Mike is dating others, which he is open to me with. Apparently none have gotten to the level of intimacy, and I let him know to keep me posted because we can’t keep seeing each other at that point. He quickly replied that he knew and understood.
I’m leaving for the summer in 1.5 weeks. I’m continuing to try and haven’t tapped out from dating yet. There has gotta be someone out there who would like me as I am
