Author: Janice

August 16, 2025 I received another message from Erik. He acknowledged my comment about how awkward our date was, and it surprised him because we got along well online. He thought I didn’t like him, that he may have upset me, or I could have been anxious. And he’d want to fill some of the awkward silences we had, but drew a blank out of nervousness. So… is it possible we both thought the same thing? That the other person seemed bored and disinterested in us? My spidey senses aren’t usually off so this was sort of unexpected. Join 19,000…

August 15, 2025 I had a really bad date last night, like the worst I could remember. I do meet strangers a lot, and it can be triggering because I’m not conventionally attractive – One memory that keeps with me is meeting someone when I was 18. It wasn’t even supposed to be a date, I was buying a textbook off him, but his face immediately and visually fell when he saw me. I have an online dating profile that I feel mostly resembles what I look like in real life. Of course I choose my most flattering photos, as…

July 23, 2025 He kept tossing me around, he liked holding my wrists above my head while my legs were wrapped around him. Said he enjoyed the submissiveness of the position. Carried me to sit on the kitchen counter, facing him while we continued to kiss. “Have you ever fucked in the kitchen?” Fully clothed, mostly. His shirt was open… I kissed down his neck, collarbone, chest. He asked what my favourite part of his body was. After a moment, I said his face. He seemed surprised. He would kiss me deeply, put my hand on his erection, but I…

July 20, 2025 Tall, fit, handsome, sunglasses, t-shirt, shorts. I walk down the sidewalk, his gaze lands and focuses on me. Does not turn his head away as I get closer. He recognizes me from my photos. I wave. His arms are outstretched. I tell him I’m sweaty. “That’s okay.” We hug, I need to tip toe, almost jump. “You have an accent,” I comment. Surprised. He said he voted in our election so I thought he was Canadian. Technically he is. We’re at a fancy matcha restaurant. We order. His body language makes it clear he’s paying for both…

July 8, 2025 I spoke to Ruth, my therapist, this weekend. She was pleased to hear Marcus reached out to me again (this was a few weeks ago now), but then dismayed that I squashed it down. It’s a different perspective I guess – Ruth says there’s something behind Marcus having kept reaching out to me despite me leaving him on read. She wants me to be more intentional and proactive, but I only do that for people I have fair certainty would reciprocate, if only eventually. I tried to reconnect with him back in June, and he said no…

July 2, 2025 I was intimate with Mike last night. It was the first time since November – we had reconnected this May but had only fooled around (cuddling, making out). After I went home, he sent me a text late that night saying he really appreciates me and was glad we got to hang out. I found it cryptic rather than sweet as he doesn’t usually say stuff like that. It was his way of saying, “Thanks for the blowjob.” I no longer have feelings for him, but rather, I’m troubled at how no one I’ve dated the past…